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Without Abandoning Your Writing › Forums › Critique Groups › [SCC] Rule 1, Exercise 2 › Welcome Back

This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  James Schmidt 10 years, 10 months ago.

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  • May 27, 2014 at 11:16 am #2833

    Angie Mroczka
    Participant

    Of course, all I can see are the errors and room for improvement. But I shipped it anyway.

    Laura’s response to the story was “awesome!” She totally geeked over the space twist and asked a couple questions. Then she went on to suggest that with some edits, the story would be a great addition to a flash anthology our publishing house is pulling together for promotion.

    Mission accomplished!

    Thanks!
    Angie

  • May 29, 2014 at 7:24 pm #3140

    LoriMarie
    Participant

    Wow! This is fantastical in a captivating way. You snatched my attention and sped away with it. I agree with Laura, people will sink their teeth right in it. I did.

  • May 29, 2014 at 7:47 pm #3143

    Angie Mroczka
    Participant

    Thanks Lori! Putting together some flash for a collection and then I’ll be digging back in to see where the character takes me 🙂

    Thanks!
    Angie

  • June 5, 2014 at 8:19 am #3703

    Judith Shaw
    Participant

    Angie,

    Shades of “I was kidnapped by aliens” with a novel twist. Usually they don’t throw them back.

    Your descriptions of the room where Laura woke up were detailed an convincing, but I quickly figured out that all was not right in this version of Heaven. Melody is sincerely creepy, and nothing she says to reassure is effective. Why can’t Laura move? Because she’s dead or because she’s tied down? What are the archives? Who’s running this show anyway?

    You juxtapose what appears to be happening with what actually happens to Laura very skillfully. That pulsing circle of blue light clearly wasn’t going to do Laura any good, but I wasn’t prepared for her to be banished to the back halls of a spaceship.

    The obvious question: what will she do next? I have no idea! Write the next installment, please.

  • June 6, 2014 at 8:51 pm #3803

    Angie Mroczka
    Participant

    Thanks for taking the time to look at it, Judith!

    This story came from me asking a very odd question — what if Heaven was a spaceship? And I don’t know what is going to happen next just yet. Will share a link when there is more to the story 🙂

    Thanks!
    Angie

  • June 9, 2014 at 3:37 am #3911

    James Schmidt
    Participant

    Angie – This story is very Outer Limits/Twilight Zone in it’s flavor. Like one of those episodes, you did a great job of conveying -“Yes this is how it all appears on the surface, but it’s the underneath where the real story lies”.

    I just love these type of stories and I loved watching those shows as a kid. It’s fun to get carried along and then go “whoa, I didn’t see that coming.”

    Since you are already making edits – I will only suggest that it would have been nice to spend just a wee bit more time with Laura after she is rejected – just to understand why the aliens were doing what they were doing and why she WAS rejected.

    I would love to read the rewrite when you get it done.

    Great story – I may have to write one of these myself.

    James Schmidt (J.L.S.)

    James Lee Schmidt

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