An Act of Forgiveness

Hi Steph,

I think you did a fantastic job of being beautifully transparent about the narrator’s thoughts and feelings. There are pieces of them that everyone can relate to, and they are described vulnerably and without guile. I love reading this level of vulnerability. It feels very real to me, and I can get into the skin of the narrator immediately because of it.

I like the end of sentence: “As much as I want to excuse myself by pointing my finger at misinformation and the terrible veterinarian I paid hundreds of pesos for, I circle back to myself and my own ignorance.” I might choose a word more specific than terrible (it’s somewhat broad, and I found myself wanting to know what made the vet terrible), but other than that, this sentence caught my heart. How many times we’ve made awful mistakes that could have been blamed on someone else, but the deepest truth is always that we are responsible. You conveyed that well.

The only thing I would suggest considering would be more precision in some of your words. That would make this powerful piece even more powerful. Like I suggested above about the word “terrible.” Same with the last sentence of the 1st paragraph: “bringing back the soft throbbing of guilt and disappointment into my heart.” You use “disappointment” but that seems far to mild a word for what the rest of the piece describes. You could either make the words more specific, or write an example or show us an image that is more precise.

Good piece, and thank you so much!

Steph,

Your story tore my heart out.

When my beloved friend Tom developed Cushings disease and foundered, I went through all the thoughts and feelings you list when writing about your dog.

With Tom the choice had to be mine. No one else could make it. But that didn’t keep me from feeling I’d murdered my best friend. I knew he was in terrible pain. I knew that with the best I could give him, he would still be in terrible pain. But I still felt like a traitor.

Unlike your beautiful dog, Tom didn’t go so easily into the dark. Even now, ten years later, I can’t write about it.

Thank you for writing it for me.

Judith

Hi Steph:
I read this last night and again this morning giving the time to thinking about it. I also have had this experience, and I also use poetry to express myself sometimes. I found it interesting that you could write about this more easily in this prose form then you could in poetry form. Of course, poetry is distilled to the the essence.

The powerful part of this happens with the dog putting forelegs over your arm. That took my heart along with the part about sharing in those last moments. Yes. Well said. Love lives on. You got a picture of it. The part about your ignorance and guilt and thoughts of being different from other animal lovers, (that must have been what you referred to as being hypocritical)and yet not being able to protect her from suffering, that is the dilemma in this. And the idea that you are learning what love is-that is major. You haven’t figured it out which is why you didn’t want to write about this. At one time you knew and now you don’t. How true. Thanks for sharing a heart wrenching decision and moments of love.

Oh, Stephanie. This was difficult to read. I lost my best animal friend, my horse, two summers ago. For three days we held on to hope and finally I had to make that choice. I can still see him falling to his knees… and, yes, I’m crying just thinking about it.

I wrote this experience into one of my books. The scene took me two days to write and I cried like a baby for those two days. Every time I read over that chapter, I cry again.

I don’t have any suggestions here, except maybe teaming up with a native English-speaking writer who can help with those trickier word choices. I don’t recall if you said English was your primary language, so forgive me if I’ve made an error in that assumption.

Big hugs to you. Now to go dry my eyes…

Hi Stephanie,

I really enjoyed this piece. It so accurately captures the emotions and thoughts of one making the tough decision to put down a pet. I also love the added element of doubt about whether we are deserving of the unconditional love that our pets provide. Can you imagine if we had to decide to put down a human friend or relative as often as we do our pets? I wonder if anyone changes their mind at the last minute and runs out of the vet clinic with the ill pet in tow. And, if so, how far do they get before returning?

I agree with the other reviewers that there are a few word choices that could be tightened up. I was also a little confused about the use of foreign language. Perhaps one sentence regarding the location of the clinic would resolve that.

Keep writing, and we’ll keep reading! 🙂

Cheers!
Dawn