A Tin Whistle and a Passport

Hi Anne – a very moving piece. I liked your economy with words and short sentences (I tend to use long sentences with far too many commas), both very effective in giving the impression of someone barely holding it together.

The only thing I would point out is that you switch to first person for one sentence – I said, knowing I’d get it for him

Hope it’s not from personal experience, my heartfelt sympathy if it is.

Justine

Hi Anne,

I’m going to have to keep Kleenex close when I read your stuff. This line really got me.

“Right then her arms ached to hold him once more. To scold him, to do anything that would give her another few moments with him.”

As a dad with two young children, that really hit a soft spot.

Buying a son a tin whistle after he sees a policeman using one – that’s something any loving mom would do. You showed talent using that imagery as a trigger for the Amy character. It was touching.

I would guess another draft probably would have improved the piece. There were some punctuation and spelling / wrong words used that you might have picked up in another walk through:

up where she left it before…” –> an open quote

So was so engrossed in the moment –> I think you meant She was so

I hope this was just a story. My deepest sympathies if that is not the case.

Regards,
Brian