The Day I Opened a Pandora's Box

I love this story, Katie. As I read, I knew something was coming, but I had no idea what. I like how Pandora’s Box subtly refers to the narrator’s emotions with nothing to do with the girl the story is about. I remember reading “old fashionedly” and I liked it. It was unusual, but fit perfectly.

The narrative flows well, too. As I was reading it, I thought about a prompt I’ve seen in an online meme “write a story in which the narrator falls in love with the reader” and this was kind of like a love story to the reader. Kudos, by the way. I hate, hate, hate second person narratives, but you have changed all that. I think this is the first second person narrative that I’ve actually enjoyed, and the story would not have had the same impact written any other way.

Thanks for posting.

Elsie

Hi Katie,

What struck me right away was the ominous tone you established before the end of the first sentence. I knew something bad was going to happen right away which is pretty amazing when you think about it – to convey that sense of doom with barely a sentence.

You kept me guessing the whole time though, until you revealed the accident. Initially I thought her old friend had died so the car accident was a small surprise. It made the story more interesting for me to not have been able to predict what was going to happen despite knowing the “something” was going to be bad.

The second person POV threw me off a bit. I had to reread a couple of paragraphs especially the paragraph about the school trip / photo and the following paragraph about the market. The second time through I understood you were talking about where the photo was taken while the market was a case of mistaken identity. I enjoyed it enough to read it through twice to make sure I understood correctly because I cared about the story. If I hadn’t cared I would have just let it go and moved on.

I think this was one of the more interesting pieces I’ve read on the Cartel so far – for the story itself and the for the style it was written. Awesome job. Thanks for sharing.

Regards,
Brian

Oof. That one packed a real punch. I honestly can’t think of anything to critique, at least at the moment.

Katie,

A very powerful story with a zinger of an ending. I enjoyed it very much.

Just a few questions. When the girls got the news that the school was closing, I sounded like the end of the world. I thought maybe this was taking place in a third world country or an extremely isolated community without access to other schools.

But between the supermarket, the internet and the world of automobiles, this was obviously no third world country. So why was the world ending for these girls? Why was communication cut off so drastically? Why couldn’t they pusue their dreams in another setting?

What am I missing?

Judith

Katie,

Awesome story. It felt very lyrical and poetic to me. I loved the repeated line “It’s amazing how easily lives can change, how quickly everything can be swept away”

Also, I enjoyed the way your writing took the reader on a journey with the narrator of the story. You find out what happens as the narrator shares it. You had me hook line and sinker asking what “what happened to her friend” the whole time. Great job and a powerful piece.

My only critique is that I didn’t want it to end yet. I wanted her to connect to the friend, since she is still alive, but I understand reasons why she might not too.

Great work!

Great Story Katie. I could tell just from the title and the build up – this was not going to end well. The ending where the narrator says “I feel like I have opened up a Pandora’s Box. I cannot unlearn what I learned. Please forgive me.” I thought about this and I get it. There’s an innocence lost here.

It’s like- “I wish we were those sixteen year old girls again. I wish I didn’t know about the car accident and the pain that followed.” After all those years of wondering what had happened to a friend she had lost touch with – now that she has found out – it has almost “tainted” the fond memories she had of this other woman. Like she has lost a piece of life that, while not maybe being at the forefront of her life, was a thread that had been woven into who she was. And just like a loose thread – it has now somehow been pulled enough to unravel before her.

There are a few things that read a bit rough. “old-fashionedly polite”, or “I now wonder now, if that was wise.” I don’t know – it just made me stumble a bit when I read it.

Also – only because I am curious, what “Is” the reason you feel that the narrator could not reach out to this woman? I mean she didn’t die – Perhaps this woman could really use a friend now. Has the image of her friend been tarnished so much that she is ashamed to reach out. It strikes me that if someone takes such time as to lament a lost friendship – that it would somehow move her to try and re-establish contact. I don’t know – but I’m just curious.

This a very good story, obviously, because it got me thinking. If I didn’t feel any sense of connection – I would have moved on.

Nice Job

James Schmidt (J.L.S.)