The Problem

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Sunny Henderson 10 years, 10 months ago.

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  • June 15, 2014 at 4:50 pm #4141

    Mirel Abeles
    Participant

    Hi Sunny! Loved the voice here, the dialog is great too. Is this meant as a standalone, or is this part of something longer? Because if it’s a standalone, there are a lot of names that seem unnecessary or perhaps unnecessarily confusing, since we don’t know who they are.

    And while the piece works well for me, I find the first paragraph awkwardly phrased in some places. (the sentence beginning with long gone, the no one else, etc.)

    Happy writing!

  • June 15, 2014 at 8:48 pm #4152

    Sunny Henderson
    Participant

    Hi Mirel! Thanks for reading!

    This is actually a snippet from the third book in my YA series. I wasn’t sure what to share with the group here since my most recent writing time has been spent on Daniel and only Daniel. So, I turned to this bit in the hopes that it would lend to a little bit of variety.

    I know all of the names are confusing in this context. Thanks for wading through it anyway.

    The narrator here is an Irish teenager, so in my mind I hear his manner of speaking a little bit more formal than if he was from the States. But I do see what you mean!

    Sunny
    http://www.sjhenderson.net

  • June 17, 2014 at 7:41 pm #4226

    Ruthanne Reid
    Participant

    Oh, MY! She has a spider’s bite! Now I really want to know what happened! Am I allowed to say, “why did you stop there?” 🙂

  • June 18, 2014 at 8:08 am #4232

    Judith Shaw
    Participant

    Sunny,

    Reading this was terribly frustrating. I want the backstory!!!

    I was a little surprised to find out the narrator was male, although if he had been a jumper jock on the pro circuit, I guess he’d most likely be male.

    I loved his breakdown in his horse’s old stall, and I REALLY loved Tarantella’s charge.

    Anyway, please give us some more of this story. How much is written already?

    Judith

    • June 18, 2014 at 2:07 pm #4234

      Sunny Henderson
      Participant

      Hi Judith!

      This is near the beginning of my third book in this series, so there’s approximately 100k words of the story before this one. The narrator, Liam, has returned to Ireland after his mentor/pseudo-father passed away. He’s there to help with the sale of the remaining horses at his late mentor’s barn, but there is a lot of bad blood between Liam (narrator) and his mentor’s remaining family.

      A brief background of the series is that it’s the story of a young girl whose family owns a riding stable. The series grows with her, tackling increasingly difficult situations, as she discovers who she is as a rider and a person. Right now I have it pegged as YA contemporary, though I guess it’s playing right around the edge of New Adult because of their ages.

      I’m always looking for beta readers if anyone is into romance (clean).

      Sunny
      http://www.sjhenderson.net

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