The Leopard and The Python

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Without Abandoning Your Writing › Forums › Critique Groups › [SCC] Rule 1, Exercise 2 › The Leopard and The Python

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Stephanie Gonzaga 10 years, 9 months ago.

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  • June 17, 2014 at 6:56 pm #4219

    Ruthanne Reid
    Participant

    Oooh, intriguing! I really like the feel of this; I can see the dark jungle all around.

    Question: why the choice of the world “cub?” (I’m just curious!)

    • June 17, 2014 at 7:37 pm #4225

      Stephanie Gonzaga
      Participant

      Hi Ruthanne,

      Thank you! I didn’t want to use words that would humanize the leopard (e.g. son, child), so I used “cub”.

      Now that I think about it, “young” might be a better term though it isn’t clear if she had just a single cub or more than one in a litter. Details. 🙂

      What do you think?

  • June 18, 2014 at 2:39 pm #4236

    Ebony Haywood
    Participant

    I like this. At first I thought, would the mother really leave ground zero silently? No weeping and wailing? Then I thought, this isn’t the Lion King, Ebony. There is something powerful about her silently walking away from the murderous scene. Nice work!

    http://www.sizzlingpublications.blogspot.com

    https://twitter.com/EbonyHaywood

    • June 18, 2014 at 3:38 pm #4238

      Stephanie Gonzaga
      Participant

      Thank you, Ebony! Yup, these incidents are all part of survival. There’s really nothing else left to do but to move on. That’s what fascinates me about animals—their inner ability to keep moving forward.

  • July 20, 2014 at 7:47 pm #4618

    Stephanie Gonzaga
    Participant

    Edited the poem this morning and gave it a new title:

    Within the Brushwood

    Leopard sees
    Python slither
    From where she left her young;
    Flexing fresh claws
    from the hunt
    She tears the scales,
    rips the flesh apart.

    Python bleeds
    A trail
    As he descends
    Into the dark wood,
    and Wind sweeps
    Dry leaves
    from the empty belly of the den.

    Silent, she leaves the grave behind.

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