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Wow. That is a gut-punching story!

This is my favorite bit:

Pride and laziness can kill a soul. Maybe that’s why yuppies hate street kids and street kids hate yuppies. Both suffer from the same disease, but dress it up differently. We do our best to hide it, make it look pretty, but when we can see the same disease in someone else, we get scared.

I think the only thing I’d suggest is that sometimes, you do the exact same thing I do: the words are so far in the character’s head that the reader isn’t quite sure what they mean. (I know that problem all too well!)

Example:

as he waved his pierced nipples.

I really can’t picture what that means, since nipples generally aren’t long enough to wave. 🙂 But I think I understand what you were saying!

Keep up the great writing!

Nice work Chase. I liked this paragraph for instance:The woman spoke in a dialect of profanity that I imagine was reserved primarily for drunken sailors and hardcore rappers. If a censor had gotten ahold of her speech, it would have sounded like a long droning “BLEEEEEEEEEP” mixed in with words like, “mother,” and “molester.” You have allot to write about and a point of view that is homey. This is the second thing I read of you and I find allot of morality in what you write. I like it.

Did you see “The Dallas Buyers Club”-if not, do. And don’t stop writing!

I like your style. Or your voice. Or your sense of humor. Or all of it.

I’ll admit I’m not sure what was happening in the last couple of scenes (particularly the flashback to his dad). Hallucination, flashback, or?

A few minor things, too, like some tense issues that need to be cleared up. Also, it’s obvious you’re a big fan of ellipses. My recommendation is to vary your usage of ellipses with other punctuation (dashes, for example) or italics to keep from alienating the reader.

Thanks for sharing! Really enjoyed this.

You bring us into some incredibly different viewpoints in life. That is the power of story and you do a fine job. In the midst of dialogue, with incredible characters, you come to truths in life that stay with me:

Pride and laziness can kill a soul. Maybe that’s why yuppies hate street kids and street kids hate yuppies. Both suffer from the same disease, but dress it up differently. We do our best to hide it, make it look pretty, but when we can see the same disease in someone else, we get scared

Your writing is powerful. The dialogue sets the tone, setting, characterization…all with a few lines. That is gold.

Thanks for this. I really enjoyed it and loved the truths I fell over as I read it!