Homecoming

That was a good read. It contains an unexpected whammy after a short trip down memory lane. Well done – not a homecoming we’d ever like to come home to.

Succinct, to the point writing with just the right amount of description. Your story inspired this husband and wife to discuss our own childhood cow manure stories!

Our negative lies in this paragraph:

Summer had just begun and the weeds and grass were six inches tall and already dying. The upstairs window was cracked and spiders had built their winter homes in the nooks and crannies on the doors and windows.

You have at beginning of this paragraph ‘summer had just began’ and then later ‘spiders had built their winter homes’, which doesn’t make sense to us.

You have me hooked–I can’t wait for the rest of the book! I got a good feel for your character and her relationship with the town. You set the scene well with your description of the town–including the smell of manure really brought it home.

The only description that was hard to picture was “The handicap and emergency parking paint was peeling from the sidewalk. There were no street markings on the road except the parking spaces.” I know where you were going with it, and I like the idea, I just think would benefit from some rewording.

Great story!

Wow, what a surprise ending! I see you have no problems with descriptions, you do it very well. I won’t repeat other comments. I would change the beginning to read “The town hadn’t changed much in 20 years” since in the very next sentence you do mention a change.

Also, I wouldn’t make their deaths 3 weeks earlier, because with that time span, the sister certainly could have brought her up to date. And I wonder if the sister wouldn’t be arrested for her part in it, and if the police wouldn’t have notified the narrator.

As for writing 750 word stories: I belong to a linkedin group where we write 4000 character stories every week. It works out to between 650 and 700 words. At first I found it really hard, but I’ve learned to do it. It’s really a great skill for getting the essence across and teaches one to trim and sharpen the story.

That’s the way I write too. I just sit down and start and let the story take me where it will. But afterwards I always check the logic.

I have no problem reading and enjoying unreal situations e.g. fantasy, magic, etc., but even there it has to be true and logical within the confines of the story. I love it when an author can sweep me away into magical realms and make it come alive for me. And that’s the challenge in every story we write, make it come alive and seem real to the reader.

Hi Christy,

Thanks for sharing this story! I like the plot idea. It promises lots of surprises. I agree with the other reviewers that it’s just in need of editing for consistency. It might be too much action for such a short story, but that’s far better than having too little action in a short story. 🙂

Cheers!
Dawn