Soul Food

Hi Chase,

You had some great descriptions in your piece. I especially liked:

“The thin girl slumped in her seat, listening to her stomach argue in a foreign language for fifteen minutes.” This line made me smile 🙂

I also liked the contrast you drew between the haves and have nots; the front car and the rear car – tuxedos and gold and honey covered ham and cakes in the front but burgers and hotdogs and nachos in the back.

I read some good advice from Jeff Goins about selective use of cursing and swearing in writing. He drew a contrast to a Mumford and Sons song Little Lion Man. His point was that foul language was most effective when it was used sparingly and surprisingly like in that song where it comes in at the hook only, unexpectedly. I would suggest using the same approach for Alex and I think her dialogue would be more powerful.

I hope my comments were helpful.

Regards,
Brian