The Seamstress

Hi Ebony,

This is such a beautiful story. You’ve woven a character I’ve grown to admire and revere. I can also feel the magic that surrounds her. It isn’t the fantastical kind of magic, but magic that touches people’s hearts and gives them hope.

I also like the way you describe how the Miracle Worker is able to mend and bind relationships in paragraph 2 and how it ties in with her work as a seamstress. The connection is spot on.

As for improvements, there are paragraphs that I think can be removed as it dampens the strength of the story. For instance, you can remove the paragraph that begins with, “Amanda is ecstatic…” because this allows the reader to discover what’s so special about this girl in the later paragraphs.

Can’t wait to read more of your works! 🙂

Ebony,

Your story is lovely – it has this nice fairytale quality to it that I don’t encounter often. It’s not only the use of 3rd person, but in certain places even the rhythm has a bit of oral a storytelling feel, like your second paragraph: “People traveled hundreds of miles to see her….

You do a lot of telling in this piece – you even use that word “told” a few times. The reader is put at a distance as if the story is about a land far, far away. I didn’t feel I was really in the story until Amanda and her mother step into the seamstress’ shop, where this sort of “legendary witch” becomes a real person.

You might consider looking at the paragraph where “They arrived” and flush out that experience a bit more. I think going from the stories told about the woman to meeting her in person is an important transition – like walking from one world into another. The question is, given the final message, do you want the words to be from this sort of fairytale character, or from someone very real. It seems from the change in perspective that you’re aiming for the latter, so the room they’re in perhaps should be described in a very tangible way, maybe even pulling some of the first paragraph in – the very basic objects of a seamstresses shop. Even then we’d continue to feel her magic though – in how she’s able to interact with others.

Just some random thoughts – I hope they make any sense!

I think you could do more with this witch character – she’s intriguing!

I loved this story, Ebony.

You laid down the setting wih the tools of her craft:

Fabric. Lots and lots of fabric. Her home was a warehouse for spools of thread and braids of yarn, piles of wool and heaps of silk. Buttons, stick pins, and frilly ribbons were strewn across her dresser. Measuring sticks and measuring tapes of various lengths lay splayed across the floor. She was a seamstress, but people called her a miracle worker. Her sewing machine produced clothing that was nothing less than art — priceless art

It reminded me a great deal of “The Things They Carried”. I think items can help in setting, and you did this very well.

Still on the first paragraph, you also tied in the entire story, a lost art in tody’s writing, with the last line quoted above. That’s the storyteller’s art. You’ve got it!

Your characterization throughout the story is fantastic. Just an example:

The seamstress watched them like an owl — silent and wise — watches the night. “Your daughter will be okay. She is okay. She will always be loved because she is love. She is all of this that you feel right now and much more.”

The only thing I can find to help the story more from a reader’s perspective, is that some readers may wish to have some facial features defined to round out the character (how she walked, etc.) of this woman when Amanda and her mother come to visit her. This is only if you wish to use her story in a larger setting (which I highly encourage).

I think the fire brought us from third person into a closer “knit” setting. Combined with the items she worked with and how they affected the people she interacted with, the setting was intimate.

As a stand-alone piece, I felt just fine picturing her with what you gave us here; ie, with her acts of love, mending fabrics and relationships. I have no trouble picturing her.

Fantastic story and I look forward to more!