I completely agree with the others.

As someone who has worked with several editors (I employ 5 at the moment), they each have their own style and experience.

Maybe instead of jumping into an editor relationship, find a good beta reader. Someone in your cartel may be the perfect person. You might even find someone in this group too.

Ease yourself into the editing process and when it is time to work with one again, interview the editors and maybe ask for some names of books they have worked with.

Putting yourself “out there” can sometimes be hard, but a disagreeable editor relationship can really stifle your Inner Writer. I know that is what did it for me.

Good luck!!

Congrats!!

Speaking as a publisher, the first two paragraphs didn’t do anything for me. That last paragraph grabbed my attention.

My advice, start strong.

Best of luck!!

Hiya Brian,

Reading the beginning of your story, you remind me quite a bit of one of the writers at my publishing house. He very often uses newspaper articles, government reports, and even an occasional journal entry as a way to share pertinent technical information with the reader.

Some people dig it and others’ eyes glaze over and skip to the next part (I am from the later group, btw).

Axe the repetition of the same thing over and over and you should be golden. Or get rid of it altogether and bring some kind of resolution to the noise in the basement.

The rest of the story flowed just fine, but I didn’t feel like anything was actually resolved. I want him to have some sort of hope or respite from his symptoms before you plunge him back into agony 🙂

Another thing to consider is varying your paragraph structure. They are all a bit on the long side.

An interesting start. I’m curious to see where you head from here.

Hi Suzie!

Wow, that was a heavy story. I feel haunted. I hope that is what you were going for.

Your descriptions of the house and the people were good. The descriptions that you share further the story and give us a peek into Thomas’ psyche.

A few things that I noticed that you might want to take a look at are your paragraphs and dialogue. The paragraphs are dense and it makes the story more difficult to digest. The dialogue isn’t consistent. Sometimes you use tags. Other times they aren’t there. It is a bit difficult to determine who is speaking.

Overall, great job. Be sure to check your grammar and punctuation next time or run it by a beta reader, though.

Hi hi Kate!

First off, you captured my attention. Way to go!! I wanted to know why it was only supposed to be temporary. And you held my attention through the story.

Yes, 750 words isn’t very much room to develop a story, but I’ve done it in less than 250 words. I find it easier to work with something completely fresh in these cases instead of trying to adapt something you were already working on.

Your description of the young Evangeline and her father was very vivid, but you lost that as you tried to fit more into the story. Try to focus more on that first scene. How did the bracelet feel on her arm? Did she feel any sense of foreboding about the true purpose of the true purpose of the gift? This is the perfect time to drop red herrings.

Definitely can’t wait to see where she goes from here. Great job!

So very pleased to meet you, Michael. Looking forward to reading your work!

Sounds like you have some serious healing experience. Looking forward to reading your work. Welcome!

We are in the fast lane, but there are air bags 😉 Welcome!