Angie, this is a great offer. Your covers are beautiful and striking. Can I still take you up on it, or have you given out all 5 already?

I just saw this and think it’s a wonderful idea. I’m in. The quality of the writing in this course blows me away! I know nothing about putting together an anthology, but how difficult can it be? It’ll take a little research, that’s all. Some of the others in the course have already published short story collections and I’m sure they know the process. We could put a one paragraph bio of each of us in the book….

Good job, Stephanie! I see that you figured out how to change the price….

Welcome Tonya! I’m behind, too, due to a vacation and other things. Glad to have you here, now that you’re feeling better.

Much better, Melissa. The first sentence draws me in. Breaking a curse when you didn’t expect to is certainly interesting. Second paragraph is a little confusing. Is she cursed? I’d say something like this (ie, break the second sentence into two parts and glom the first half onto the first sentence):

Caught in a place bound by ancient magic, Jeanne discovers that she can shapeshift, but the curse is attached to this power. Everyone she meets fears this curse.

I still think you should leave out the word ‘common.’ Those who haven’t read the novel don’t know why you’re using it.

Then I like the third paragraph. It just needs editing.

Wonderful cover. It’s eye-candy!

What Mirel said. And don’t feel like you have to write 750 words for your first story. It can be 200.

Thanks for telling us a little about yourself. And welcome. So glad you’re here.

Hi Ebony, Finally reading your intro! Music teacher to English teacher! I’ll bet you’re great at both.

I just sent you an email on Google about Skywriters. I know, I know, I’m gonna have to get over my reluctance to use twitter (because it’s a time sink – I have to read all of the blogs people link to and then, oops, the day is over). I love your blog! It’s beautiful.

I’m looking forward to reading more writing from you and to connecting more.

The chat was such fun! I hope that all who attended agreed. It was a wonderful way to meet each other and ask some questions about the course, writing, and so on.

I really enjoyed this, and, despite what you said about it being a quick piece, it’s very good. The interplay between the nurse and the patient at the beginning is priceless and funny (I’m sure it wasn’t funny when it happened for real).
I love the contrast between the rule-follower and the reality of the situation. The chart says she’s having contractions, so she is, despite the fact that she’s not. Then the cleverness of Ann in gathering ice chips is wonderful.

There’s a liveliness to the interactions, and Ann’s reaction feels so real. Kill, kill, kill is a great line. Here she’s in this hot ward, just for observation, and she somehow was marked wrong on her chart (it happens way too often!), and she’s not just mad, she’s murderous.

When you go back and add some description, I’d advise keeping it light. Just a touch her and there, so the momentum doesn’t slow. I could see the scene as is, but a little bit – Ann’s hair sticking to her forehead, the institutional green of the wall – would add nice detail.

I enjoyed this a lot, Susan. The story has real power to it. The elephant’s fear is palpable in lines like this:

But she kept running as fast as she could go through ever deeper canyons where the sun never shone; she escaped into the farthest corners of the Himalayan Mountains, where no one knew her, indeed no one ever came, and still she ran, never slowing her pace.

Your opening line drew me right in, and the story flowed, pulling me along.

There are small things to fix. I had to reread

Soon enough men captured the white elephant.

several times to parse it. Do you mean that it took a large group of men, or that it happened quickly, once the king wanted her? I would take out the word enough and put a comma after soon. If you wish to keep enough, then use a comma to explain your meaning.

You have an occasional misplaced comma. For example, in this sentence, you don’t need the first one.

The men that chased after her, tripped on the tropical vines, and were stalked by the jungle animals who celebrated her get-away.

Finally, you could cut a few buts and ands and replace them with periods to clean things up. Overall, though, this is wonderful, and I love the idea of illustrating it.