I heard back from Joe and we’re not doing critique groups this time around.

Hi Lee,

I loved the second paragraph, with Carnegie swooping over the protagonist. It’s so vivid, and the seven wing flaps add a delightful specificity. You brought me right into the scene and drew me forward.

I also love the imagery “I came home, took off my street clothes and wrapped myself in my pink blanket, curling up on the extra wide plush chair in my bedroom.” Once again, I can see this girl, who is suffering from migraines.

I gather that you are trying to tell about something which really happened to you. You’re speaking as an adult about an important (life-changing?) event in the past, sparing us many of the details, and yet trying to convey the disorientation you felt, between being sick, being knocked out, and losing the pet bird. This may be too large an event and reaction to describe in 750 words, but, if you want you could get more of it in by leaving out extraneous details. We don’t need to know that your mother is unconventional, for example. Perhaps we also don’t need to know that you went to the doctor’s that morning, only that you’re middle-school age, home alone with a migraine, and asleep.
Then, as you mentioned to Scoot, you have to be more explicit that you were raped, instead of hinting. I had no idea what the extra evidence was. I wasn’t even sure that a stranger had come into the house. Don’t shy away from giving us the gory details.

I couldn’t understand this phrase:
“My blanket seemed to have been released as if held tightly, just above my head.” Held by who? released by who? On the floor or hanging in the air?

Nice draft. What a difficult event to write about! Bravo for even trying!
Why held tightly? By whom?
This phrase

I also forgot to say that I love your imaging, and the very idea that you can taste love, fearlessness, and so on in something someone has cooked.

Ebony, I adored this piece. The idea that pancakes taste like the person who makes them is wonderful. It reminds me of Like Water for Chocolate and a few other novels I’ve read. I also love the way you describe your journey to finding your own way of being through finding your own method of making pancakes.
Your voice is so strong! I agree that you could tighten this up a little bit, but it’s a wonderful first draft. Instead of changing fearlessness to fearless, I’d suggest changing bold to boldness and robust to strength, so that the words parallel each other. Or else take out “like” and say “They tasted fearless, bold and robust.”
A little picky thing is that I believe ‘mommy,’ and ‘granny’ should be capitalized when they are used as names.

Lisa, this is so awesome and inspiring. Congratulations and good luck with more stories!

I’ve been thinking about cleaning up a short story or two and trying a contest, but keep getting wrapped up in other projects.

I just sent Joe and email and said you and I are both interested in a critique group. Hope that’s okay with you, Lee.

Lee, I was wondering the same thing. I tried to find the email from Joe about it. I think we can just email him, though I believe he had a deadline and I couldn’t remember what it was.

Hi Angie, I’ve learned something from you already. I didn’t realize that there were so many different types of fantasy.

It’s fabulous to have a publisher joining the course. Please jump in whenever possible with your stories and advice for us writers, since we’re often in the dark about how publishing works.

I look forward to reading your writing.

Audrey, it’s great to be here with you again!

Welcome, Lori-Marie! So wonderful to have you in the course.

I’ve played in a few bands (flute and keyboard), but only as an older adult, so that teen scene is a little unfamiliar. I would imagine it can get pretty wild.

Hey, James, great to see you here again. It’s going to be a fast and furious eight weeks!

Welcome, Susan. Where were you in Oregon? I’m in Bend.