Katie,

Awesome story. It felt very lyrical and poetic to me. I loved the repeated line “It’s amazing how easily lives can change, how quickly everything can be swept away”

Also, I enjoyed the way your writing took the reader on a journey with the narrator of the story. You find out what happens as the narrator shares it. You had me hook line and sinker asking what “what happened to her friend” the whole time. Great job and a powerful piece.

My only critique is that I didn’t want it to end yet. I wanted her to connect to the friend, since she is still alive, but I understand reasons why she might not too.

Great work!

Christy, I like the idea of having 20 seconds of courage. That can be series of pieces and applicable in so many areas of life. Thanks for sharing. I liked the journal entry portion. It gave a fun element to the piece and the transition is GREAT from her thought world to real life and what was happening right in front of her. Awesome Job.

My only critique or advice is (and this may be bad advice so feel free not to take it) but I think in the journal part of the piece, you have more freedom to write stylistically. Its a kids journal and that can be messy. I know mine at that age had lines that were scratched out and misspelled words here and there. Not that you would intentionally make it grammatically incorrect but it would be fun to play around with different styles and structures of it. But really you did an awesome job just the way it is too!!!!Thanks for sharing.

James,
I loved reading this story. Though I am not much of a golfer AT ALL, I can still relate to this piece and the competitive spirit behind it. I can also relate to what it feels like to shank a ball and long for a redo. The 10 second rule is definitely a fitting punishment. Great Story. I liked the way you described each of the characters and their individual characteristics. I could picture each one as they stepped up to the tee. Also, the flow of the story is well done and has a good progression to the last golfer…Waugh, and his sprint to the finish.

The only real critique I have is in the first two paragraphs. There is something that didn’t flow for me exactly. Maybe read it out loud and see, one of the sentences was, “No, I feel only the intense pressure” I wasn’t sure about for some reason. And the other sentence that made me pause a second was in the second paragraph “walked up the tee”, rather than “walked up to the tee”. But honestly those are minor if not irrelevant things. I thought this piece was fun and really enjoyed your writing. Thanks for sharing!

I think in life I share different parts of myself with different people. With my little cousins I’m playful and with my parents I try to be responsible, and with my friends I’m super goofy and nerdy. And when I am writing for myself it probably depends on the mood I am in. I think my writing is the same way. When I am writing for my cousins I am super silly, or my parents more serious, or friends I would write dumb jokes and do more word play. It varies project to project for me.

I am taking this course because I want to understand how the publishing side of things works. I am working on a middle grade novel and it would be fun to publish someday so that others could enjoy it too. I am new to this craft however and want to learn as much as I can about it. This class is a way for me to get my feet wet in the writing world I guess 🙂

Ann,
What an adventurous trip and an exciting journey. Your descriptive writing made me feel like I traveled with you. I was even a little parched toward the end 🙂 The only real critique I have is that in one spot you typed “Samaria Gorge” and another “Sumaria Gorge.” I’m not even sure which one is correct, but wondered if that was a slight typo (I’m stretching I know :). Awesome Story! Thanks for sharing.

Brenda,
It is fun to see God work in our lives in such unique ways. I enjoyed reading your story and the overall content is GREAT!!! I too am interested if this is fiction or not.

I think the overall flow of the piece could have been a little smoother. Some of the sentences were very descriptive, but maybe a little too long or choppy. One example might be “Looking back, remembering the small whisper of God assuring me that I was going to be alright has been significant in my life, revealing to me God is real and He wants to assure us all that He is with us.”

Thanks so much for sharing!

I love the power of prayer and appreciated the line “I believe it was the prayers of the people in that little church on the corner who had a huge impact on my cancer being healed.”

Amanda