This story is great. I’m going to read it to my little guys. They never want to eat at dinner time. But they sure love bats. I agree about the hand comment. My only other thought is that perhaps there could be more activity between dinner and bed. Perhaps they could read stories or play Scrabble before it’s time for tears.

Hi James,

This is a very fun read. I like the title. I really appreciate the way you acknowledge the competition that exists even between close friends. I really like the way you portrayed each of the friends, and I would have liked to get to know each of them a bit better. I agree with the readers’ comments about showing more of the action. When the friend is encouraging himself to swing through, you could use dialogue since you heard it. Just a few touches would make it an even stronger piece.

You and I are my audience. At the moment, we are only people who read what I write. I think I’m a pretty safe audience for myself because I know what I intend to say even when I fail to say it well. However, it feels a bit risky having an audience of relative strangers. I imagine friends and family would be in my camp from the get go and perhaps better understand my intentions. At the same time, you are my comrades in arms, and I imagine you are more motivated to encourage me to write than many of my family and friends.

I have a parenting blog in the works so I anticipate a different audience, however small. I have delayed blogging for so long because I just know I’m going to get comments from the contentious and the haters. I have friends who write great blogs and still get hateful mail. Perhaps it’s just a matter of developing a thicker skin.

I am taking this course because I want to make writing fiction a much bigger part of my life. I have always been an avid reader, but it never occurred to me to pursue creative writing as a career. Instead, I took the safe route and became a lawyer. (I know, I know, tiny violins). It was the right path at the time, but the times have changed.

I took up creative hobbies in the past to try to scratch an itch (see my tower of boxes of watercolor supplies), but I have never had the courage to quit my day job in pursuit of anything risky. I’m hoping writing will be that thing. Don’t tell my kids, but I’m at peak happiness while writing.

I write a lot of non-fiction for work (much of which reads like fiction, but, sadly, is not). I would like to some day spend that time on creative writing. If I can find some way to get paid for it, I may be able to do it without guilt.

Hi Christy,

Thanks for sharing this story! I like the plot idea. It promises lots of surprises. I agree with the other reviewers that it’s just in need of editing for consistency. It might be too much action for such a short story, but that’s far better than having too little action in a short story. 🙂

Cheers!
Dawn

Hi Mirel,

This is a really enjoyable piece. I love that you named the baby Ice. I suppose Chip would have worked too. I really enjoyed the patient’s cleverness in finding a solution for her distress that didn’t technically require the staff to break a rule. Everyone’s needs were met. The added description is great.

I wonder if the protagonist should be more angry outwardly. Instead of grumbling, she could raise her voice or even rage. Instead of smiling wanly, she could grimace or growl. The only other question I had is whether she really wasn’t having contractions. I pictured that belt thingie that the nurses put on your tummy in triage to gauge your contractions, and I imagined that it must be registering something. If not, maybe the first nurse should also say, “Your chart says you’re in labor” or something similar.

Keep up the entertaining work!

Cheers!
Dawn

Hi Stephanie,

I really enjoyed this piece. It so accurately captures the emotions and thoughts of one making the tough decision to put down a pet. I also love the added element of doubt about whether we are deserving of the unconditional love that our pets provide. Can you imagine if we had to decide to put down a human friend or relative as often as we do our pets? I wonder if anyone changes their mind at the last minute and runs out of the vet clinic with the ill pet in tow. And, if so, how far do they get before returning?

I agree with the other reviewers that there are a few word choices that could be tightened up. I was also a little confused about the use of foreign language. Perhaps one sentence regarding the location of the clinic would resolve that.

Keep writing, and we’ll keep reading! 🙂

Cheers!
Dawn