Mirel, it’s very nice to make your acquaintance.

I see you and I like similar things. My last short story was a historical fiction story. It was based an a local Kansan who built and sailed a windwagon (a covered wagon with sails instead of the cover) west down the Oregon trail. I am editing and reworking it with the hopes of self publishing.

I too was brought here by Joe’s book “Let’s Write a Short Story,” and by working on the exercise at “The Write Practice” so I guess I am a Joe Bunting groupie as well. Perhaps we should have some T-Shirts made.

Anyway it is very nice to meet you and I look forward to sharing stories with you.

James Schmidt (J.L.S.)

Brian – First, I just have to let you know that we are in another thunderstorm as I write this. Why is it that every time I read your stories – there are storm clouds present. Maybe it’s a sign of sorts, I don’t know, but we have enough rain now to last for a while – thanks, I guess.

I first want to start by saying that – in your class introduction you talked about writing a novel where each chapter could stand on its own. I think with just a tweak here or there this story can do that. It’s like a scene from a screenplay. Obviously I would like to have more background, but if this is just a part of a bigger work – then I kind of just go with what is here.

I think towards the back half it really starts going – As a reader, I really start to wonder along with Florin about why the data paints a totally different picture than what it should. It gets rolling and its engaging.

My suggestions:

First – when I read the Secretariat – I immediately thought of the horse. I went online to make sure that I didn’t misunderstand the name – and unless Google or Bing has something different – That’s the first thing they come up with as well. You might consider changing this title – it gets a little confusing.

There are a couple of paragraphs that I think would be better as one paragraph than two.

Example:
Florin and Jonah had once been colleagues at the IPCC. Their paths diverged when Florin chose bureaucracy over science. The work he did now no longer resembled science. More like accounting or business management. Florin worked in boardrooms and offices and high level meetings with politicians and business people to influence and set policy and allocate budgets.

Jonah had no taste for that work. He preferred to work in the field where he got wet from the water he measured and could feel the arctic wind that he analyzed bite at his cheeks. He could never sit at a desk all day pushing numbers from here to there, nor could he stand at a podium spewing sound bytes for the politicians to repeat on the news nets.

I think if you were to combine these two paragraphs it would reader better as one strong one.

However, when the actual guts of the meeting start – then I think things really get going. I got into it then – I mean what would cause perfectly functioning equipment to send back perfectly contrary data? That’s really good. I builds the tension quite well.

One last suggestion – The conversation with Anna – Perhaps he might still have the discussion with Florin more on his mind (you know, distracted like) – Then she might query him as to some of the details and empathize with his concern – because that meeting was serious business. Then, at the end of the conversation have her draw him back from his problems of the world and focused more on having a romantic evening. I would think that might be more natural – I mean she doesn’t even ask him about the details, unless he can’t discuss that with her for some reason – if that’s the case then the reader should probably know that as well.

Again – These are merely suggestions. I eagerly await when more of the parts start to be revealed. Keep going – I’m rooting for you.

James Schmidt (J.L.S.)

Ruthanne: I’ve been playing guitar and some drums for about twenty-five years. I really enjoy doing it, yet there are people who would almost pay me to stop.

I hope that my writing skills improve more than my musicianship has.

Follow your passions!!!!!

James Schmidt (J.L.S.)

The fantasy and science fiction author, Terry Brooks, was a successful lawyer when he wrote the best seller The Sword of Shannara. He quit to become a full time writer and discusses his journey in his book Why I Write About Elves.

I myself have often thought, a person trains to be a lawyer, or a IT professional, or an engineer, or almost any other job, and when those people eventually begin working in that field, most people don’t seem to give it a second thought.

Yet when you tell people, “Hey I’d like to write stories full time,” it’s like they think you might be crazy.

True, it’s hard to be a successful author. It takes tons of hours of work. Often it’s a constant struggle to overcome a vast array of obstacles set in the path. Then, in the end, success is not guaranteed.

Sounds a lot like what it took to be a lawyer to me.

Have a plan and follow your passions. That’s just my opinion.

Good Luck

BTW: I know people who went to law school, but never could get through it. I’m not sure that I would consider that “the safe route,” exactly.

James Schmidt (J.L.S.)

Brian, it’s funny how many IT people I talk to daily (both men and women) that a have strong interest to write a novel, a indie comic, or a graphic novel of some kind. Most of those I work with know that I enjoy writing. I often get approached quietly (usually because they are uncertain about broaching the subject in public) asking how they could start writing something. I always try to be very encouraging because these people can come up with the most amazing story ideas. I always tell writers I know that if you get stuck coming up with story ideas, go ask someone in IT because often they have pretty off the wall suggestions. I think there are many creative IT people out there and I am convinced they are more common than we may be aware.

To the item of main character, I say don’t even worry about it if you aren’t sure. First write. Just write. Write what’s in your mind, or scribbled on notepads, or blurred on the back of napkins. The idea – That’s the important thing. It may not be the FINAL thing, but it’s the important thing. Authors like George R.R. Martin, or Terry Brooks, or one that you mentioned in your intro, Stephen King can tell great stories with no main character in particular. If fact, with King’s The Stand, or Martins Song of Fire and Ice, I just don’t know how those stories get told by using a single character. It’s tricky to have many different character arcs. Very tricky. but I say go for it. At the very worst you will find that one character moves to the forefront. It may not even be the one you expected. That has happened to me on occasion.

Write it as you feel it, then edit it as it becomes more clear. I think you have some really good scenes and a really good idea. You need to just keep churning out the pages.

James Schmidt (J.L.S.)

Christy – This is a nice little story. Honestly – I have no experience being a twelve or thirteen year old girl. But the experience I have when I was a twelve or thirteen year old boy, is that I vividly recall being terrified of talking to twelve to thirteen year old girls. So that’s true for both boys and girls.

For me when I read your story, I thought the girl’s age to be more mid-high school age. The narrative seemed more grown up than I remember being at that age (which I assume was sixth grade). That’s just me.

However I agree wholeheartedly that the lesson here should be taught to our kids more. I hear so many negative things being put out there and so much pressure to excel. Kids need to be encouraged more knowing it’s OK to fail sometimes. I think the message of “Just take a chance – you never know what can happen for you when you do, but you know exactly what will happen if you don’t,” is extremely important.

As writers- that is a message that both you and I can identify with – otherwise we would be off watching TV instead of pounding away at our keyboards.

I mean – What fool would ever question the teachings of Matt Damon – Am I right?

James Schmidt (J.L.S.)

Great Story Katie. I could tell just from the title and the build up – this was not going to end well. The ending where the narrator says “I feel like I have opened up a Pandora’s Box. I cannot unlearn what I learned. Please forgive me.” I thought about this and I get it. There’s an innocence lost here.

It’s like- “I wish we were those sixteen year old girls again. I wish I didn’t know about the car accident and the pain that followed.” After all those years of wondering what had happened to a friend she had lost touch with – now that she has found out – it has almost “tainted” the fond memories she had of this other woman. Like she has lost a piece of life that, while not maybe being at the forefront of her life, was a thread that had been woven into who she was. And just like a loose thread – it has now somehow been pulled enough to unravel before her.

There are a few things that read a bit rough. “old-fashionedly polite”, or “I now wonder now, if that was wise.” I don’t know – it just made me stumble a bit when I read it.

Also – only because I am curious, what “Is” the reason you feel that the narrator could not reach out to this woman? I mean she didn’t die – Perhaps this woman could really use a friend now. Has the image of her friend been tarnished so much that she is ashamed to reach out. It strikes me that if someone takes such time as to lament a lost friendship – that it would somehow move her to try and re-establish contact. I don’t know – but I’m just curious.

This a very good story, obviously, because it got me thinking. If I didn’t feel any sense of connection – I would have moved on.

Nice Job

James Schmidt (J.L.S.)

Kate – Great information from Elizabeth Weins. It would appear as if other authors do use the cartel system – even if they are not aware they are doing so.

I have thought for a while about signing up for the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, but was a bit hesitant because I am just starting out. I think I may reconsider.

I mean already here in the first couple of weeks of Story Cartel I have been pointed in new directions by other writers and I think it has helped immensely (LoriMarie – directed me to read stories by Alice Munro, which I am doing).

I believe that in any area where you share a common interest with a group of people – you are obligated to participate to the best of your ability – for the good of the group and your own personal benefit. Writing is an especially an area where I think pushing each other to strive for higher and higher levels of mastery will help serve everyone.

Speaking for myself, I think it would be totally awesome if someone who was in a writing group with me broke through. The way I look at it is, they might be able to open the door for some of the rest of us in ways we could never do on our own. It’s like, “Hey if you like my stories, there’s a person in my writing group who you might also want to take a look at.”

Elizabeth Wein confirms this.

(BTW Read Scorpio Races last year by Maggie Stiefvater – loved it)

James Schmidt (J.L.S.)

Honestly Ann – Joe would have a better idea than I as to where this might be appropriate to submit. I have the 2014 Novel and Short Story Writer’s Market book – I could try to look through it to see if I can find some information for you, if you would like.

I kind of do writing contests and Writers Digest is about to have a short story competition coming up next month I believe. There are a couple other competitions currently that I know. I plan to enter a short story in the Baltimore Science Fiction Society – (they take Fantasy stories as well) but they are specific to a genre type and I have to tell you I am not sure exactly how to categorize this story in a more specific way. Would this fall under Fantasy? Is this a paranormal fiction or something similar. I really don’t know.

I’m kind of burned by this of late, because last fall I sent a short story into a competition which I thought fell under historical fiction (you know like Killing Lincoln type of thing) and kind of got a rebuke letter back informing me that my story did not conform the submission genre – which I thought it had.

What genre would you think this story might fall into?

I hope Joe responds to this reply – because I would love to know the answer and suggestions myself.

Again – really enjoyed the story.

James Schmidt (J.L.S.)

Ann – I agree with Joe. You might want to shop this around or enter it into a contest or two.

-James Schmidt