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Welcome back, Ann,
Glad you are in the course. Your experience in the course will be a great help to us newbies. I love sci fi and some fantasy, especially if magic is involved. I’m looking forward to reading your work.
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Sunny,
Thanks for the kind reading.
I rewrote the piece adding more detail, but it still isn’t what I’m trying to put across. I need to get into Jess’ head and tell the story from inside looking out.
So that’s an important insight to pursue at a later date.
Judith
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Susan,
Lots of horse lovers in this group. It makes me feel right at home. Looking forward to getting to know you.
Xo
Judith
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Sunny,
Thanks for the kind reading.
I rewrote the piece adding more detail, but it still isn’t what I’m trying to put across. I need to get into Jess’ head and tell the story from inside looking out.
So that’s an important insight that I’ll pursue at a later date.
Judith
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Welcome, Susan,
Glad you are in the group.
Judith
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James,
Great to have you on the course. I love sci fi And I can’t wait to read yours. Wish I could write some myself, but don’t have the right brain.
Welcome.
Judith
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Welcome, Lee,
It seems that you fave a lot to teach us. Sorry that losing your mom caused you to leave the course, but I’m very glad you’re back.
Judith
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Jody Coyody. I love the name. You can be from anywhere in whichever galaxy pleases you. On my planet the horses talk and teach kids to ride, so how weird am I? Very glad you’re in the course. Can’t wait to hear about your real home, somewhere OUT THERE!
Judith
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Glad you are in the group, Yvette. I love YA books and fantasy. Even better if they’re joined together. Looking forward to reading your book.
Judith
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Scott,
This is a wonderful story. As I read the first half, my heart sinking with every line, I thought it was going to be the kind of story I dislike. Scruffy character, messy house, scrounging for change under the tv. Then it got worse, as the piles of trash grew to the ceiling.
Your pivot changed everything. The character morphed into an intelligent caring husband and father, trying to make a difficult situation better for his kids and “beautiful wife.” I don’t know much about hoarding or the effect it could have on children. Somehow I’ve never thought of hoarders having either spouses or offspring. But the way you wrote about the protagonist trying to make life normal for his kids, taking them to the Botanic Garden and good restaurants, cleaning the house at 4a.m. And hiding the trash–it was very moving.
The looming loss of his escape pod, his coffee house, hits the reader very hard. Well done, Scott.
I can’t think of anything I didn’t like, except possibly the digression about music on the car radio. It derailed me for a moment. But put against the excellence of your story, this is a mere quibble.
Thanks for sharing it.
Judith
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Thank you, Sunny,
I was so obsessed with keeping the word count down that I didn’t think much about the audience. But you’re right. I need to think about that. Kids today are both more and less educated than I was, back in the dim darks, that I’m not sure what they do or don’t comprehend. Maybe I should make this an adult book about realizing dreams deferred instead of a YA story.
Hmmm. You’ve got me thinking.
Judith
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Hello, Sunny,
Another horse lover. I’m thrilled!!!
Welcome back.
Judith
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Dear Audrey,
Thank you for your good wishes. I’m glad I still have the words, but gladder still that I have my life. So no complaints on this end.
My Chinese is pretty fractured by now. I haven’t used it since 1975! I’m much better with Bahasa Malayu, after 11 years in Jakarta and Singapore. Is that one of your languages?
Anyway, I’m very glad to meet you.
Judith
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Welcome,Scott,
I’m eager to hear your stories. Maybe a voice recognition program like Dragon would help you move from tell to write.
Only saying.
Judith
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Ebony, You are right on the money. The assignment said 750 words, and this story wanted to be at least 1500. I pared it back to the bone and more, leaving out all the details. I think I’ll write it again with all the good bits I couldn’t fit in.I’ll like it better, and I think you will, too.
xxx
Judith
Thanks for your careful reading.
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