Very good, very interesting! i like the report you have at the beginning and then the flow into the story line. I’d like to know why they called it the ‘Blain syndrome’.

I think you’ve got some good descriptions of the physical symptoms of the illness. Maybe you could work in some good descriptions of the psychiatric side of it – rather than just saying its anxiety and panic, how do those states make him feel?

I’d love to know what happens next!

I liked this! I’m guessing Heather is dead, but Carrie can still see her? And maybe their brother too. Its a sad story, especially if Carrie can see her sister’s ghost but their mother can’t.

I like the way the story built up. I like the descriptions of the old house with the moths and the rotten egg smell. I like the relationship between the sisters.

The last line ‘This time, Heather would be keeping her promise’ – does that mean she hasn’t kept promises before?

Very 80s, very John Hughes ‘Rite-de-passage’ – I can hear the beats and smell the sweat of a teenage disco!!

I enjoyed this, though I would like to have seen a little more about the relationships between the girls – I can’t believe that a group of girls who all consider themselves ‘top girls’ would all get along with out bitching and back biting! But I appreciate we are limited to 750 words, and I found that hard to work with and still get my story out.

Bless her with her ‘cake boyfriend’! I liked this, and I wondered what became of her.

Good story!

I love this, even as a stand alone piece, though I hope it is part of something bigger, and I want to read more!

You’ve really captured the despair and remorse of your character. I hope it is not too late for him to act on the lessons he has learnt!

there were a couple of sentences that I didn’t quite get, for example – ” If one looks into their eyes, he’ll know fortune if they rip every ounce of skin from his body with their cruel whips. “. You might want to think about re-wording it to make it a little clearer – is the ‘he’ the slave or the master, and what do you mean by ‘they will know fortune’ if they rip the skin etc, I just didn’t quite get that.

But over all I LOVE the feel of it, your descriptions are awesome!

Hey James!

I had to come and return your kind welcome! I see you have been busy while I’ve been away! So good to see you and by the way I LOVE your avatar – the dragon hugging a bottle of Tabasco! Brilliant!

I so look forward to reading what you have been writing!

I live in the UK. I’m a nurse and I work most weekends, so maybe it wouldn’t work for me. I realise weekends are usually good for most people. If you ever set one up in the week, let me know!

And thank you!

Thanks James, I would love to join Skywriters, if I am able to be free when you guys meet. I work on sundays, but i guess it depends what time you meet, since we are in different time zone.

Thanks for all your encouraging words, you are making me feel like maybe I can really do this!

Thanks Debbie! Thats what I am hoping too!

Sounds good to me Gwen!