I can’t get my profile pic to show. I have a WordPress blog. Something is crossed between my own WordPress Blog and the Story Cartel WordPress site. I sent an hour messing around with Gravatar and my pic shoes fine there, but will not display on this Story Cartel site.

If anyone knows how to fix this please let me know.

Thank you!

I’d like to be part of a critique group, too. Is there a critique group that exists apart from the critiquing we are all doing for each other during the lessons?

Hi James, nice to meet you. I’m honored to meet the originator of SkyWriters.

I hope to hear more about living among all those animals!

Hi, Yvette and welcome. I love your determination that this will be your writing year! I look forward to sharing it with you!

Dear Ebony,

I absolutely love the feeling, tone, and subject of this piece: there is love in every paragraph. Love for food, love for your mother, love for your grandmother, love for their ways and their lifestyles. And tradition is clearly so important to you, as is finding your own way. Your respect for the two women in your family is apparent and touching. What a beautiful piece.

I have suggestions. There’s so much quiet power in what you are conveying, I felt I wanted to remove anything that watered down the quiet power of this piece.

Would you consider “fearless” rather than “fearlessness” in this sentence: “They tasted like fearlessness, bold, and robust.” In my opinion, “fearless” is stronger and makes the sentence smoother.

The sentence “I found a delicious receip from…” is a bit confusing chronoligically. You wouldn’t have known it was delicious until you tried it, and the way you’ve used it here indicates a specific chronological order of events. I’d nix the word “delicious” and maybe use a word describing what attracted you to the recipe at that time (before you’d tried it). Or just nix it altogether (because you don’t really need that kind of detail there, IMO.)

You wrote “Although I leave most of the lumps, I feel like I cradle the bowl her with her tenderness” I think it would be a more powerful sentence if you leave out “I feel like.” Perhaps find a beautiful way to state that you DO cradle that bowl with her tenderness – because I’m sure you do! Same with “I definitely feel like I have command.” That sounds kinda weak, and I can tell the author of this piece is not weak, and that she probably does have somewhat of a command. If you don’t have the command yet, you could find a way to say you’re gaining that command.

I hope these make sense.

This is such a tender, personal piece – I love this intimate peek into your life adn kitchen. Thank you!

Hi Judith,

I loved the very clear, to the point narration and outlining who the character was and exactly what she wanted. It was immediate, and made it so easy for me to want her to obtain her goal. Perfect for a younger YA market.

I love the specifics of horseback riding.

I love at the end how she finally feels like one of them because she fell off. I wasn’t expecting that, and it makes it all the more powerful. And it made me happy for her!

I felt I wanted more feeling, to be more in the character rather than having events listed out to me.

A little quick thing to consider: I’m not sure you need to restate the problems as you already enumerated them. (This sentence is redundant: “Her problem was simple: She was broke, didn’t know how to ride, and it was nearly the beginning of May. She didn’t have a hope.)

Thanks so much for sharing!

Hi Michael,

Congratulations on a 12-year-in-the-making novel and a 40-year-in-the-making relationship! No small feats!

Welcome to the class – this is my first time taking it. I look forward to our journey together.

Margie

Hi Angie,

This was real a fun read! Pacing was just perfect for me: kept me on edge, reading fast as the tension was amping up.

Some of the lines were very funny, as I interpreted them as tongue-in-cheek: the yoga line, and the “got himself dead” line. I thought trenton was kinda “slumming” it there in a snobby way – I liked it. As if he were purposely using thuggish language to make some kind of point.

Your details (purse on the shoulder, condensation on the glass) were just enough to keep me in the scene and not distract me.

The only thing I’d change would be of the last sentence: “She stepped over the glassy-eyed body on the way out of the alley, tossing her cell out of the window on the freeway.” I was a bit confused about stepping over a body in one and being in a car in the same sentence…. a logistical issue easily handled. Somehow make the words read more smoothly, and the action be easier to “see”. Thank you!

I’m taking this course to:
– give, receive, and grow within a community of writers
– become more accountable for finishing personal writing projects
– deepen my authenticity and voice
– intensify my courage in putting more of my Self into my writing

I write to touch people’s lives.

Hi Elisabeth,

Sounds like you are having such fun! And congrats on finishing your Hymn history book! Wow – that sounds fascinating!

I look forward to knowing you better, and growing together.

Hi LoriMarie,

So nice to meet you! I like the phrase “whip-smart”! Congrats on working at Metroland by following your heart to and with writing and photography.

If you want any insider info on singing in bands and getting gigs in local dives and clubs, I may be able to add some anecdotes. I’ve done it (singing), and my husband (guitar player) still does! Just quit a rock/funk band to make more time for writing.

I, too, love the sharing and support we can build in here and am so looking forward to being a part of it with you.

Fantastic and congratulations, Lisa!

I love your enthusiasm, Ebony!