@Ann & Sunny,

Thanks guys! Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I took a step back so that I could come back to it with fresh eyes. Your suggestions are spot on, I myself can see the glitches. Thank you for your help!

@ Sunny, Joe, Ann, and Angie

I cannot begin to tell you how much your support and feedback means to me. I am trying a different approach. Since the book is written from 3 points of view I decided to use another angle to tackle the synopsis. It is way shorter than the first attempt and a lot more straight forward (I hope). It isn’t perfect yet. But I would love to know your thoughts.

The last thing Jeanne Anderson thought she’d be doing this year was trying to break a 200-year-old curse. With a shapeshifter named Jesse. In a parallel world ruled by secret societies. But that’s exactly what happened.

Caught in a place bound by ancient magic, Jeanne discovers she is anything but common. Her own shapeshifting abilities date back generations and the power of the curse is feared by all who meet her. Desperate to free the boy she has come to care for, Jeanne will stop at nothing to piece together the secrets binding him. Even if this means risking his life in the process.

But when her attempts are threatened by the power of her own feelings, Jeanne is confronted by the reality of her circumstances. Jesse won’t survive. Unless she sacrifices everything. Face-to-face with evil forces, Jesse and Jeanne must embrace a past of darkness, murder, and revenge in order to break the curse. Only to find an even more sinister trap laid for them since before they were even born.

All right, ladies. I’ll revise it again. Thanks!

All right, guys. What do you think about the following changes?

Jesse was sixteen the first time he turned into a snake. Not long afterwards he learned to disguise himself as a tiger, and even mastered the ability to grow wings. This wasn’t completely unexpected, though. Jesse was a shapeshifter with unparalleled skills, passed down and collected by his ancestors through the pendant hanging around his neck.

In a world where magic can be accumulated and stored, mastering the ability to morph into several animals is anything but common. But Jesse’s pendant is exceptionally powerful, as is his bloodline. The pendant facilitates his access to the powers of his lineage, and it connects him to an ancient force long ago forgotten.

It also happens to be cursed.

When the magic within the stone begins to unveil a past of obsession, darkness, and revenge, Jesse determines to find the source of its power and destroy it—even if this means sinking deeper into its dark power. But when his plan is threatened—not by the curse, but by the girl responsible for its existence—Jesse begins to question everything he thought he knew about himself, only to discover an even more sinister secret hiding deep within him.

Thanks, Ann. Great feedback! I will try to be a bit more specific. Joe, I totally understand what you meant now (about Jesse going from extraordinary to normal). It was my mistake. The way organized the sentences and my choice of words changed the perception, even when I wasn’t talking about him specifically.

Thanks so much, guys! You are totally right Sunny. It does read weird. Joe, I’m not sure what you mean by going from extraordinary, to normal, to above average. Which part specifically makes Jesse come across that way? I love the questions you posted. They really help me take a step back and consider the main character in a deeper way. Will make some changes and share again.