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A HUGE thank you to all of you who have read and reviewed this story. Last time I looked, over half of my reviews were from people I’ve met through this course or who downloaded it as part of the Story Cartel program. Very grateful!
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Nice job! I went over and commented. You should help a girl out and explain to me what’s happening in that second-to-last paragraph. Pretty please?!
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Remind me never to visit Ron’s family’s place in Tenterfield… 😉
I love your retelling of his stories, as creepy as they are (a snake big enough to blow the tires of an automobile? Yeeeesh!)
I’m falling asleep writing this note, so I’ll check back in later to finish my thoughts. Thanks for sharing, J
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Well, now, that’s awkward. I must have fallen asleep before I finished typing your name, Judith. 🙂
So, for me. I struggle with how to give you constructive criticism of this piece. It’s very conversational, and maybe cleaning it up to either remove the asides or include them as part of the story would make it feel more like a story rather than a casual retelling. As the others have already mentioned, finding the common thread or theme amongst the three stories could strengthen this, as well.
Thanks for sharing. So interesting, even if it’s about snakes! LOL
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Hi Mirel!
This is so charming. Loved the line from Baby Bat about “twaberries”. So cute!
My two suggestions were about Pa Bat’s “hand” that someone else already mentioned.
Also, you mentioned Little Bat Boy flew home reluctantly, which I think you might be able to show the reader rather than tell. Really a minor suggestion there, the piece was great.
Would be an adorable picture book!
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Really love the voice of this piece.
There were a few sections I wasn’t sure on–the paragraph introducing us to the white dragon, for one. I assume that’s referring to the Christmas Dragon story, yes?
As much as I like Twilight (I know, I know!), the Edward Cullen reference jarred me, as well. It made me pause to consider when this story takes place, and then I had more questions which detracted from the story. From your other responses, I see you’ll likely remove that reference, which is probably a good idea. Some literary figures are timeless. Will Edward Cullen stand the test of time? Meh… Probably not. And, yes, Edward Cullen’s the quintessential creeper.
I don’t get into stories about fairies and dragons usually, but I would with a narrator like John!
Thanks for sharing! Loved it!
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I’d love to! Let me think of something and get back with you, Ebony!
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I found it a couple of days ago and the price was .99. I’ll be purchasing it! 🙂
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You’re right, James, I wasn’t necessarily targeting adults with this book… but my goal was to write a book adults wouldn’t mind reading to their children. I’ve read my share of children’s books that I flat-out despised. Or books that were funny enough but based solely on fart and pee jokes, which, of course, my boys adore.
Hopefully you’ll continue to enjoy Daniel’s story! And thanks for taking the time to download and read it!
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