This is actually a snippet from the third book in my YA series. I wasn’t sure what to share with the group here since my most recent writing time has been spent on Daniel and only Daniel. So, I turned to this bit in the hopes that it would lend to a little bit of variety.
I know all of the names are confusing in this context. Thanks for wading through it anyway.
The narrator here is an Irish teenager, so in my mind I hear his manner of speaking a little bit more formal than if he was from the States. But I do see what you mean!
I would be careful with the use of sentence fragments. I write like this a lot, too, but what you have here strikes me as a little bit too much for your synopsis/query.
I really like the “kill, kill, kill” line, too. The ice chip rule is so annoying, coming from someone who has had her share of babies and sat through nearly a hundred others. No one likes to be told they can’t eat or drink, especially not a very pregnant lady in a hot hospital room.
Ann addressing her feet is cute, too, but I’m not sure how I feel about those additions. Kind of slows down the pace.
Clever lady, with the melting ice chips. 🙂 Though I haven’t seen a hospital room with curtains in ages. They must still exist somewhere, though.
I’m thankful to have found you, in a twisty-turny way, through the Skywriters group (but ultimately through the vast and many influences of Joe Bunting. Haha!)
This is near the beginning of my third book in this series, so there’s approximately 100k words of the story before this one. The narrator, Liam, has returned to Ireland after his mentor/pseudo-father passed away. He’s there to help with the sale of the remaining horses at his late mentor’s barn, but there is a lot of bad blood between Liam (narrator) and his mentor’s remaining family.
A brief background of the series is that it’s the story of a young girl whose family owns a riding stable. The series grows with her, tackling increasingly difficult situations, as she discovers who she is as a rider and a person. Right now I have it pegged as YA contemporary, though I guess it’s playing right around the edge of New Adult because of their ages.
I’m always looking for beta readers if anyone is into romance (clean).
Jyl! My advice to you is to really dive into this class and contact other Cartelistas who you are drawn to. This is all about helping each other grow as writers, which, in turn, helps our community grow (and vice versa).
