Really interesting! I’m definitely intrigued by this novel’s concept. The characters felt fleshed-out, and I enjoyed the pacing very much!

I’d say the only thing that really needs a touch-up is punctuation. Two examples:

Well here goes he thought.

“Thanks Ellen”.

That should read like this:

Well here goes, he thought.

“Thanks, Ellen.”

Then one more:

“Brilliant, beautiful, … and smarter than you.”

It either needs to be, Brilliant, beautiful, and smarter than you, or Brilliant, beautiful… and smarter than you.

Hope that helps! You’ve really got an interesting gem here, and I’m heroically resisting the urge to ask you for the answers. 😀

Oof. That one packed a real punch. I honestly can’t think of anything to critique, at least at the moment.

Wow! That was a fascinating story! Honestly the only suggest I can think of is to watch the formatting. I really needed a paragraph break here:

For what seemed like forever, the chants continued, then someone lifted her into place and the blade descended. Her body jerked. (break here)
Angie woke, sweating, and wrote the dream in her notebook. She

I can tell there probably was one in the original, but this format ate it.

Really fascinating! Thanks for sharing!

I love this! I think you handled her internal dialogue and flashbacks perfectly well, too. The only change I might suggest is because this is present-tense, some internal dialogue doesn’t need to be italicized. For example:

Then I stopped. Oh my God! I can’t do this. I turned away and started walking toward a bench by the playground. I can’t leave my brother.

Those don’t seem to need it, since she’s actually thinking them at that moment, and we don’t need to be given the slight distance of an “in her head” reminder. Does that make sense?

Twenty seconds of courage. Boy, is that the truth.

Tricky question! I tried to answer this by seeing who enjoyed my stories, but that didn’t narrow it down. The demographic contains both young and old, male and female. For a while, I just sort of despaired that it was “people who like a good yarn” combined with “folks who are not afraid of ebooks.”

Since then, I’ve had some time to think, and here’s what I’ve come up with, in order. If it’s:

1. A story I would like
2. A story my husband would like
3. A story my few close friends would like

Then I’m fairly sure it’s safe to send out.

None of that may make sense at all. 😀

Your encouragement rocks. 🙂 Thank you!

James, I have a degree in piano performance… And I’m not using it. I faced exactly that reaction (and still do from my dad).

Worth it?

YES. 🙂

You and me both!

My first published novel is present-tense, and those tenses were the hardest thing to keep straight during editing. 🙂 I feel your pain!