I want to become a traditionally published author. I’ve always dreamed of that… I know it’s cliche. But cliches are cliche for a reason!
I want to change lives with my books and my niche is faith and helping others have the best life possible. So yeah, if I’m not changing lives then I should quit. I write a blog and am a speaker. So I’m a speaker then writer, not a writer then speaker.
And there is a difference.

If I’m not talking I am not breathing. I feel alive on a stage, but I’ve learned that if I want that stage one way to get there is to write a book. I am working on two books:
1. Alongside. A practical guide for loving people well through their trials.
2. “Becoming the Father’s Daughter” my personal journey of faith and finding God while growing up in a family of 14 kids.

looking forward to this class. But SO far behind.

Susan,
I liked the way you gave us a piece of your character right away – that she was trying new things and she was creative.

I liked the various picturesque descriptions throughout.

I agree with the other commenters that there are several places where the sentences were quite lengthy and hard to understand. Work at trying to tighten them up and be sure you’re describing what you mean to describe.

More paragraph breaks would be helpful. I was kind of lost in places.

A strong start could be instead of “Lori stood admiring the two lamps she had completed in her first ever experience working with stained glass.”
“it was her first attempt. Lori stood back and admired the two stained glass lamps she had made with her own hands. It was her first creative endeavor since fleeing Eugene at Christmastime…”
then give away her other learnings slowly, instead of all at once – if we don’t keep tension then the attention is gone!

Keep on writing!

Welcome. You’re a great feedback giver so far! I’ll look for more of yours. I”m way behind in the course. trying to catch up, but summer has me by the shorts and won’t let go!

Love this: Even gagged, the jolts could not surpress the groans, as every inch of their bodies rattled like a half eaten pack of Tic Tacs.

Like the concept and it will be wonderful when you have time to flush it out and lengthen it as Mirel suggested above. It is confusing to do it all at once in such a short piece.

I woulde work to develop the character of John and his feelings. You could even reveal Elanora without ever introducing her if you stayed with John the whole time in this piece and then he could reveal seeing someone he knows – best friends wife. then maybe “now he’d have to decide. Is the minister more important than friendship?”

GReat premise, good beginning. Press on. It has wonderful potential!

I like the image of the 10 eyes looking at him in the morning. I can picture the the room.
I like the image of the man in the bed clutching the duvet in his hands.

Perhaps this part “The next thing John knew. He was waking up.” could be made stronger by saying something like “Suddenly, John was awake.” because he was experiencing the dream it doesn’t seem like a slow gradual wake up would be as powerful as a speedy one as something is crawling up his bed!

Nice job, this will be great with some polishing and tweaking as you take the base and strengthen some of the language!

Love the cliffhanger at the end – the tattoo and her not knowing where he’d been. Begs the question of the reader – is he really going somewhere at night?

Love the imagery you create of the street him looking out the window, her sitting on the couch. I can picture their bedroom.

Suggestion: If you look at end of second paragraph, you say she never heard him at night, but then you say “even so” this would maybe be more like “So it was especially worrisome” (because if she never heard him it would be more unusual, not an even so)

well done and great start!

Press on!

Welcome suzie. so glad you’re following your dream. Great that you are in a writing group. that is something I envy!