I loved this! I too thought the house was haunted, possibly someone’s ashes remained in the house’s wood stove. The idea of a funeral home never entered my mind and your writing had me searching for “what next” clues.
My only critique is eliminating some extra words..no meanings lost allowing the writer an opportunity to elaborate and give the reader more.
I wanted more and would have kept reading!
Thanks for the tale.
Suzie

I was expecting a YA story but this is a story for all ages. I think it would appeal to older adults more than the young.
Your strength as a writer shines through with the images your words portray.
My only criticism is in the 3rd paragraph end the second sentence with hoofless arms. I thought it was stronger without the “for some strange man reason”

I’ve spent time in Hawaii and walked the lava grounds under the night sky, Ed was one lucky goat.

Beautiful story, the ending when he moves on to enjoy everlasting youth was rich with sentiment and left this reader in a feel good state.
Suzie Page

Living in a pin ball machine. It was intense for me to read because I’m a neat freak. This is good, your descriptive chaos felt that real it rattled my nerves.
I would limit the step by step actions of the character a bit. It’s not needed and I don’t think realistically people think to themselves, I sigh deeply. looking at the mess as I close the front door. The guy is exhausted , his house is a maze of mayhem . The step by step directions could have been described in a couple of strong sentences showing the reader what he see’s or can’t see.. example : where’s the window? Last time he saw the floor. This might of made the beginning tighter.
i liked the classical music part it showed another facet of his character and how fed up he is with life. It’s also something he could change and take control of immediately. Where his home life he can’t.
The coffee shop was a perfect place for him to have a sense of escape and order.
I need to go dust now.
Thanks. Suzie Page

Powerful piece Katie. The picture you paint of the landscape, the cottages , the footprints of the visitors reckless nature it was vivid and captivating.

I too agree on eliminating weak words. They take away from the emotion . Ex: I murmur almost apologetically. Almost is not needed. It’s stronger without.
When Mum calls her Poppet, I felt it in my heart, the closeness and her sadness.

Your description of the elderly neighbor and his ailment being a nightly alarm through thin walls , I could hear him cough.

I enjoyed the back story of the generations and the history of the town as well.
Thanks.
Suzie Page

Hi Sunny,
I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Having it in present tense led me as a reader feeling like a fly on the wall. I loved the voice of Daniel. I would have liked to see him squirm when he thought of seaweed wrapping around him > it was well described some body language would of been a plus. Same with spiders. I knew someone who had a fear of spiders and just hearing about them would make her body twitch.
The mom was spot on. Great job being a ten year old boy too. I loved his inner dialogue playing his mom like a worn out game. Clever Daniel, I could see him as king of his castle.
Bucky getting older at lightening speed was hilarious.
Using mom’s nasty meatloaf cracked me up too.
Thanks .
Suzie Page

I have thought about taking an on line course for some time. Honestly, I didn’t think I would have the self discipline that was required to be an active participant. I have been taking courses at a school , but find that I am lacking in computer skills and reaching a bigger audience than a small class. Aside from prompts I have not engaged the short story genre. After reading Let’s Write A Short Story I thought this makes perfect sense. I have been working on a fiction story for some time. It is a complicated novel that spans over fifty years with many characters. I’m writing it in close third person and it is very challenging but that is the way the story/voice works for me , my gut tells me so.
This will really help me with accountability , structure and the craft . I had trouble posting my first story (only one so far) I was not able to format, like I wrote it on my word 2010. I am not wired for technology so this will force me to be in the present.
SJPage

Wonderful descriptions. She was pretty in a faded way. I felt strangely deflated. We became nodding acquaintances after the peeing incident.

Would have kept reading, you had me and I wanted more. I liked that they both had a silent commitment at 5:25. A courtship of sorts.

The male voice was strong and believable. The boys peeing in the birdbath , brilliant. What a way to make an entrance , hero after her heart.

Thanks, hope I get to read more.
sjpage

Dialogue flowed effortlessly. Some lines that made me smile
With her hair a beautiful mess.
“But I am” she paused and made a smile I had never seen before. It was beautiful.
Neighbors pretending to love each other
I would have ended it after, “Yes, a double” I said smiling, lighting my last cigarette.
It conveyed his joy without being too much and too quick.

A good guy story, would love to have had more senses.. how his wife smelled or maybe the apartment..
Thanks for the read .
sjpage

I enjoyed your piece. You have some very strong lines. My favorites :
I recognized the bread crumbs.
The use of the word laminated in describing the rules.
WHy did you retreat so hard into your self containment.
The paragraph detailing, At that moment was the most telling for me
and when you shared giving your all, The beauty and the mess.

You repeat the same meaning / feeling / emotion one meaning is powerful enough and leaves the reader with that connection. Makes it stronger in my opinion.

As beautiful as the image of the cardinals were I didn’t think it had a place here. Maybe another story ?

It ended strong and captivated me.
Thanks for the read.
sjpage