Hi Judith:
I have spent much of my life on horseback and loved this piece. I liked the idea of having those pretend porcelain horses. Did she write that blurb looking for a horse she could call Tom Thumb?

Falling off is like an inauguration into a horse group. When someone says they have never fallen off, I think-well, maybe you haven’t ridden long. Most of us have fallen off in all directions/circumstances.

I love to read about the contrast between the dreams and the reality. Sure she hurt, but those reins, using legs, leads. Who ever thought that out with porcelain horses? It was in there some-just not long enough, but what possibilities! I’d like to hear more about her feelings (if there was more space that is)like envy, like hopelessness, like connection with that horse-WOW-when that happens! When the horse responds!!!!!! Wow. And disk she thank that horse, her teacher!

Great idea and wonderful presentation. I see you got lots of replies. Lots of us love horses!!!!Oh-and horse lovers too!!!!!

Technology is a problem, but not for someone brave enough to ride. You can do it!
Sue

Judith:
I want to read it. Of course I want to read it. Yes, I want to read it. Are we not here to experience other writers and support them? But, I totally get why you ask. Ha.
Sue
PS I am toying with pasting an entry to my blog into this forum but it is so powerful to me I think it might scare people. So, like you, I may just ask first!

Lori:
I used to be a counselor in schools and so I do relate to these scenes and think you did a great job with them. But along the say of suggestions, here is one:

“It was happening slow but it was happening fast. It was happening now– everything was changing.” That was in there-your words. Now wouldn’t that set the whole thing up along with your first sentence? You hinted at Kathi’s growing apprehension about the future coming up. I see others wanted an expansion of the last paragraphs, and I think that is because they began to understand Kathi knows that the gal at the top has a long way down.

This is part of something bigger I am sure so you didn’t need to crowd everything in to the beginning. But, since it is so limited by 750 words, maybe Kathi could see contrasts (not in her favor) in lip size, hair etc. Maybe, she herself is changing too-towards away from this scene? I don’t know, but I am glad to not be in this scene-not a terrific time, but a terrible time for me!

I want to try to pinpoint my audience with more clarity, not just speaking about disappointments or praise for the writing group I have in Mazatlan. I would love to find people who are like minded. You know—animal lovers, adventurous people who enjoy the outdoors, exploring, philosophical types who are seeking some meaning to life, people who tear-up over poetry or live with passion, are slightly crazy and full of enthusiasm, and who have read enough that they can give straightforward criticism. I would try to do the same. That is really why I took this course-—to find an on-line group.

Elise, I had the same experience. I have three sons and when I wrote The Way Back which illuminated life on my home dairy farm-life with Grandma and Grandpa (a vet. of the First World War) you would think they would want to read it. But, they weren’t really very interested. My Champion was from my life and two of my Grandchildren were pictured in it (I am an artist and used them as models). Now, wouldn’t you think they would find that interesting? Not really. But, my writing group did. I think a group of your peers trumps family and friends. They soon buy into your project and every week, they want to hear more. I really wrote for them and they were my audience. If I didn’t have them, I would never have finished my books.

Hopefully in the weeks ahead we will discover who we could enjoy writing along with. This is a primary reason why I am taking this course.

I have had the experience of being part of a good writing group and wrote and published a children’s book (My Champion) and now an e-book (The Way Back) both based on my own experiences,and both with encouragement of a group. I have Blogs and am on Facebook and Twitter-sort of, So why this-why now?

Because I want to belong with other like minded people. I want to know how to write. I want feedback to get better at writing. I have great stories to tell and believe it is important to share them. I want to make a positive difference for people with my words and pictures (I am an artist too). I am 73 years old. It is time to share.
I think the people in this group are talented and trust worthy. What an opportunity this is! Thank you for all of you being here. I think all of you are here for a reason and-me too-for all the above reasons. Of course I want a platform for what I have written and for what I will write. I hope I can be a worthwhile contributor.

Hi Steph:
I read this last night and again this morning giving the time to thinking about it. I also have had this experience, and I also use poetry to express myself sometimes. I found it interesting that you could write about this more easily in this prose form then you could in poetry form. Of course, poetry is distilled to the the essence.

The powerful part of this happens with the dog putting forelegs over your arm. That took my heart along with the part about sharing in those last moments. Yes. Well said. Love lives on. You got a picture of it. The part about your ignorance and guilt and thoughts of being different from other animal lovers, (that must have been what you referred to as being hypocritical)and yet not being able to protect her from suffering, that is the dilemma in this. And the idea that you are learning what love is-that is major. You haven’t figured it out which is why you didn’t want to write about this. At one time you knew and now you don’t. How true. Thanks for sharing a heart wrenching decision and moments of love.

Katie:
You are a gifted writer. The beginning-all my life I have lived in the shadow of a mountain—sets the mood. Even as you leave, you are pelted-as if the mountain is punishing you with grey and hard rain.

There are small mistakes in this, but they are not crucial. Look at this paragraph:

“You just have to tell them it’s not suitable. All your money will go on rent and bills. What if they decide not to keep you on?”??“That’s just a risk I have to take.” I sigh heavily, Mum sighs too.??“You’ll keep an eye out for something here though, won’t you, poppet?”

Don’t you have to start a new paragraph for each speaker? Also, there is a mis-spellingk of hear-should be here.

This sounds Canadian and of course families have had to move to follow the mines—
and they do. Today this is a relevant topic.

I like the title but guess I would say-Who Do I Belong To? Then I would make the story about whose dream this is. There is allot of emphasis on the beauty of the place and tradition, but not so much about (you?) separating from your mom’s dream. It’s there but not featured. This is a lovely piece and sooooo true. But, most of it is about what she must do and what she is losing. Is there not something she wants? I wrote a poem about this very thing and it had two repeated lines
How can I bear to leave
But can I stand to stay?

I liked the perfume very much.

I would repeat the shadow as if it followed me all the way to the train. And I would take it with me along with the perfume. It is not easy to leave home!!!!!

Wonderful topic-a pleasure to read and it will stay with me.

I am struck and humbled by your willingness to share this deep and lasting wound. Your first sentence about it being stunningly easy to forget—well I don’t believe that. You went from cuddling in a pink blanket on a soft chair to crying, holding shards of glass, your blood and some unknown wine “messing up” your room, never to be cleaned up. I take it that therapists took advantage of you in later life. All of this is powerful, the worse for your lack of understanding, and the sweetness of your personality.

There were brilliant descriptive phrases in your short piece. The bird, the name of the bird, the name of the cage door left open and the fact that the bird flew and never returned-all of that is gut wrenching for it is a parody of your own lost innocence.Indeed you never returned either. I like the idea of the irony of staying home because of a headache.

This needs rewriting. In fact, with the over and over of the telling, perhaps the anger will come. I didn’t hear that in your piece-only the hint of others who did not clean up the mess, and the confusion. Your mother left the door open. Was that anger you were feeling at that? What happened when she came home? So much more to write. You have engaged all of us in your story.Perhaps together we will at last clean up the mess.

Amanda:
Howl fortunate you are to be able to write in all these moods. You have a rich and varied repertoire and look at the range: super goofy to playful,responsible, nerdy, ???? congratulations!