Originally, my audience was my children. I am smoothing out many short stories (okay, maybe just a couple) that I wrote for them. Currently I’m’ working on a book, and the protagonist is a twenty-something female who finds a world of horror, less scary than her real world. I believe my audience is that age category, but I’m trying not to limit it. Much of her difficulty in life is a direct expression of my own. So I guess much of my audience is myself. Does that make any sense?

I’m writing for a few reasons. Currently I want to finish and published my first book. Hopefully use that to transition into full time writer. Also I’ve always been told my ideas are great, so I want to get then out there. I don’t want to paint a Mona Lisa to hide in the closet.

I like the first line. I’ve always been told it has to grab you, and this one compels you to read further. The bird and references to Carnegie Hall are great. The one thing I’d like to see is a hint of motive. I get that it was probably the mother who cracked the kid over the head, but there’s no indication or hint that the mother is off-base in any way. Also, questioning “who ever heard of telecommuting” almost begs for a time-stamp somewhere, as that’s pretty common in cites now.
I know that 750 is a pretty tight restriction, but I think you can tweak this a bit if its a stand alone. That’s almost the trick isn’t it? Can we make en tire story in 750 words? If we can just think how great a long story would be, with multiple 750 sections!
Well done. Hope there’ll be more.

Nicely done.
I love the description of the area. I’m heavy on descriptions usually, so I’m gonna recycle a suggestion. Add a line or two inside the description to keep us in the action. Description slows things down.

I’m not that great at “point of View” but I did see one thing “He wanted her to experience pain.” is kind of in a different POV, she would have to assume this, but couldn’t really know it. You could put “like” in there, and combine The previous sentence to clarify.

LOVE the build up to the end. Really makes you want to read more. I’m looking forward to it!

Great stuff! Most people can relate to those teenage years and how we feel about ourselves. I like the topic and the movement of the story. It goes quickly, gets you involved right away. The one thing I’d like to see a bit more of is Kathy’s emotions being displayed. I know, its hard in 750 words. However I think that if you wished this to “stand alone” there are Some words you can drop to streamline and ad some more feeling. I like the chocolate stuff at the end but just want to connect more to KAthy – that means emotion, to me. Looking forward to more!