Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
The voice of your character comes through loud and clear! Love that and perfect for that age. I can see them reading your book stomach down on the bed as their feet bounce on the wall absentmindedly!
You have a knack for morphine into a nine year old’s mind! The stare downs, the acts when talking to parents. The spiders and nasty brats that come into play in decision-making at that age. And it all comes down to what your friends are doing.
I love the words, “glop”, bloggy and so will the kids! As others did, I love the way Bucky gets older exponentially!
Great job!
-
Hi Sunny,
I agree with Ebony, it depends on the story. But knowing your beautiful, well-polished craft, you can pull it off more than anyone. Ebony’s example of GONE GIRL is a good one. The present tense really brings it home in that story so well it makes you sick at some points. If that were past, easily not such a compelling story.
Go for it. You lead though! 😉 -
Scott,
I feel the weight of all that mess on your character, emotionally and even physically to a bit. I am not familiar with the problem but you described it so perfectly that I felt the weight of his problems. (To use a cliche, apt in this case.)The music did throw me off the storyline. Maybe you could add more of your great description to how the kids are responding to the overwhelming conditions.
I very much felt for your character. He is doing everything he can, as you showed in just a short amount of time, the values that he holds dear, loving his wife and raising his children.
Great job!
-
Hi Gwen! Great to have you here!
-
I am so sorry to hear of your innocence lost, Juanita. Yes, it is a deep bond, in a club that no one wanted to join. But it is good to connect with others who understand. Concepts of life and building an understanding of the world at 7 is so highly important to all youngsters. The fact that you were stopped in those areas is a crime and I wish I could take that away from you. Know that I am here for you if you need to talk. You can find hyperlinks on my profile or connect with me on Facebook now that the chat is over there.
-
It’s very hard, Ann. But it’s for a greater good. I have felt a hole in my heart my entire life. But finally getting Baptised and confirmed in the Catholic Church filled that hole and filled me with joy. Even after the chemo and meds and pain that is non-ending, the joy is phenomenal. It filled a hole for me and as I shakily write this “thing” (God help me) I hope to show (without being preachy or pushy, who needs that?) others that you can find a solution.
I just hope I can do it.
The community that Joe has built and all of you may just make that possible. It’s much more fun to create fiction. Each word I write…even now, makes me shake. But I feel this is important for others who have traveled the same path. I just don’t want to make it yet another “oh-what-happened-to-me” story. That isn’t the basis for the book.
Thanks for all of your support, Ann. It means so much to me. -
Micheal,
This gift that you have given me, your words, mean more than my words could say.
I will treasure your critique, your gift, and look back on it always, as a reminder.Thank you.
Lee -
Thank you for such a close reading, Ann. Yes, it did happen to me. It was one of too many life changing events.
This is the first in a much longer work that the individual elements (Mom’s unconventional ways) come into play later on and need to be established, ending in a glorious fashion that I hope to help others by writing. But as a short piece, as you mention, it could be moved out for a more complete one-off unto itself.
Writing in first person in an adult voice for the younger is always something to wrestle with. But I, older and wiser I hope, am placing myself as the narrator.
Rape is such a hard thing to discuss in our culture, or any other culture, I imagine. This I wrote with my heart pounding and didn’t even spellcheck it as I was fighting against my impulse to keep it hidden, leaving what I’ve learned meaningless unless told.
But hinting is never good at storytelling, is it? I am so close to this piece compared to my fiction I need to hear the details that don’t make sense; the blanket was clutched by me while being dragged off the chair, the time stamp that Scott mentioned, etc.
The final point that I didn’t realize until now was that my innocence flew away with Carnegie.
Thank you again for your great criti1que.
P.S.Are we allowed to make changed to this first draft within the forums here?
-
Hi James!
What an introduction! Loved reading every line and can’t wait to read more from you. Welcome to the group, a warm one that you will fit into just fine, I can tell just from your words. Those precious things that string together to make a greeting or a lifetime of storytelling.
Looking forward to working with you!
-
LoriMarie,
Your message meant more than I can tell you, truly. I cannot thank you for the gift of your words. I think we can agree there is no greater gift than words and yours were tied with heartstrings. Thank you.
-
Me too, Michael. Would you and Tom have room for me? Permanently? I am very quiet and don’t take too much room. I’ll be out at the Cantina most of the time anyway! 😉
-
Thank you, Michael. I replied but until recently (very recently ;p) I have been replying to the main topic, rather than replying “at” the commenter. Hope you got my thanks!
I’m really not dumb as a tank, I just roll too fast! 😉 -
Ha! Didn’t even notice that, Ann! Thanks!
-
Hi Juanita,
I answered your kind message on my page. I read your story. I really like it. You give your character not just “a want” but a direct question of what he wants; a turn on the original story craft. I can see his room as clear as day and him sitting there thinking through what he wanted or needed.
I was a bit scared that his parents would give him more train sets, which is a nice “middle” to carry you further. It ended in a complete picture and that is the story craft.
Great job!!
-
The drama in bands is more than any on stage. My brother was lead signer in a great band, fiance had his own and I was his roadie. But no teanage bands to help. I’m there in band spirit cheering you on.
Speaking of further support, thank you for offering and I would love that. What I’m finding is that the smart new thing is pulling together as authors on a multi-author blog to give each time to write. I am just sending that out there as I don’t know the backends of it but think Writer Unboxed. Otherwise, a non-formal agreement among word lovers fits what is needed and I’d be grateful.Just in case you missed it, I’m leaving this for you below in response to your message on my topic.
LoriMarie,
Your message meant more than I can tell you, truly. I cannot thank you enough for the gift of your words. I think we can agree there is no greater gift than words and yours were tied with heartstrings. Thank you.
-
AuthorPosts
